My friend has been in a relationship with a man for 4 yrs and he is considerate and thoughtful and perfect in every way, except that he won’t have sex with her.He does all the little things, like cards for no reason, tells her he loves her, wants to hold hands and snuggle…all the stuff a relationship is usually missing.Problem is that he thinks sex defiles women.He won’t have sex with her because he says its disrespectful.They have not had sex in a year now. Have tried anti depressants,Viagra and such, therapy.I’m trying to help her find info on an explanation for this.He says it was because of his strict Catholic upbringing.Anybody have any links to sites/articles/info that talk about psychological damage, specifically with sexual dysfunction due to Catholicism? Also specific to a male.Lots of info out there about women who think sex is dirty,but not men.It seems to be a very rare problem.Please stay specific to the religious angle-he is not gay or cheating.Thank you.
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November 8th, 2009 at 4:19 am
Marriage should solve this non-problem.
Since when is not having sexual relations with a woman out of wedlock considered dysfunctional? Have you ever heard of chastity?
Judeo-Christian tradition has taught for thousands of years that it is God’s will that:
+ Single people should be celibate.
+ Married people should be faithful to each other (adultery is wrong).
+ Married couples should welcome God’s gift of children and, therefore, artificial birth control is against the will of God.
The Catholic Church recognizes the power of sex when it teaches, "Sexuality affects all aspects of the human person in the unity of his body and soul."
Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person. A chaste person’s body and spirit lives in unity and opposes any behavior that would impair that unity.
The purpose of sex is to bring a husband and wife closer and to create human life.
Fornication, sex between an unmarried man and an unmarried woman, is contrary to their human dignity and the dignity of human sexuality.
For more information, see the Catechism of the Catholic Church, section 2337 and following: http://www.usccb.org/catechism/text/pt3sect2chpt2art6.htm#2337
With love in Christ.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:19 am
He won’t or he can’t? There is a big difference.
If he won’t, maybe he believes that sex is a sacred thing to save for marriage. Some people are old-fashioned.
If he can’t, then he may need some professional help, regardless of his religion. And it’s likely not a religious thing, it’s more of the way he was raised or something that happened to him growing-up.
November 8th, 2009 at 4:19 am
Not much more evidence is needed beyond the fact that when anyone is raised in fear, they will have psychological issues.
Religion is for people who are trying to keep from going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there. What he does is purely motivated by fear, doom, and guilt. He won’t have sex with her because he can’t get it up. That’s because when he was caught doing that he was told it’s a sin against God, and he believed it.
Religion has become a perversion of the redemptive message of Jesus.