DISCLAIMER:
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I’m also Catholic so I’m looking for answers to these very hard issues. But if you find any part of text below offensive please stop reading it and please accept my deepest apology.
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We can’t protect religious truths and doctrines by forbidding the discussion about very hard and controversial issues.
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Jesus would never forbid the people to ask him questions and he would never forbid the discussion about hard questions, if you don’t believe it’s like that, just read the new testament, there you’ll find him open for very hard questions, and questions from all kind of people.
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And the last, I DO NOT WANT TO OFFEND ANYONE.
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MY QUESTION (sexual difficulties of married Catholic couple):
Imagine this situation: husband and his wife, which do obey all the teachings on sexual morality of Catholic church, but she or he are experiencing some difficulties during sex. Wife can’t achieve orgasm just by common intercourse (she can’t achieve orgasm just by vaginal stimulation).
So, the only way she can reach orgasm is by oral stimulation, but Catholic church strongly forbids oral sex as a way of achieving orgasm.
After common intercourse her husband can’t make her to have orgasm too by oral stimulation. (It seems to me as incomplete self giving of husband to wife)
So what can they do, to just accept she’ll never achieve orgasm during her life or what?
According to sexual therapists, only 17% of women can achieve orgasm just by common sexual intercourse.
Husband also can have great difficulties with erection, because he can be afraid of unwanted pregnancy, there are also great deal of other reasons, e.g. boredom in sex, etc….
His wife can’t stimulate him orally, because there is great possibility to husband to finish. (again, this kind of sex is not permitted by church cause it’s not open to reproduction, and to new life) Church doctrines on sex are mainly led by reproductive reasons, but if wife and husband both have difficulties during sex, the reproductive possibilities of couple will be greatly reduced.
But also, because church doctrines on sex include all other aspects of self giving, we can no longer speak of complete act of self giving, cause it’s not complete without pleasure from both sides. (Pleasure is also one of all other aspects of complete self giving of husband to wife) There also great deal of psychological problems which often follow such a incomplete sex, which at most cases cause alienation between spouses and even divorce. Even Pope John Paul the 2th. said (Theology of Body), the pleasure is also great aspect of self giving between husband and wife in fact God’s gift. Please, don’t report me, I really need answers.
I know that Catholic church’s views on sex are:
1. Sex outside of marriege is forbidden,
2. Sex is act of complete self giving of husband to wife & vice versa,
3. It has to be open to new life, so artificial contraceptives are forbidden, we can use only NFP mathods,
4. Natural Family Planing is permitted only in some understandable cases,
5. The lust without love makes sex incomplete and sinful,
6. Oral sex is permitted only as the part of foreplay,
7. It’s forbidden to use oral sex as a way of achieving orgasm, so we can’t go till end,
8. Husband have to finish inside of his wife (so, that supports the 7.)
9. Masturbation is also forbidden (cause of 8.)
10. Any sexual activity which will not lead to possible making of the new life.
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February 26th, 2010 at 3:22 am
All married people cope with sexual issues. Believe it or not, you can speak with preist about this. They a) have heard every possible scenerio while in the confessional booth, and b) are in a position to tell you what is truly forbidden and what is only a suggestion or guideline.
February 26th, 2010 at 3:22 am
Keep god out of the bedroom
Lick that sh*t good.
February 26th, 2010 at 3:22 am
You have a veneer of knowledge of what the Church really teaches concerning oral sex. Ejaculation must occur inside the woman, and before and after that, anything goes that is mutual.
What offends me is your sneaky effort to discredit the Church’s teaching on sexuality BY MAKING IT UP. Statistically, practicing Catholic married couples have a more fulfilling sex life than anybody else.
February 26th, 2010 at 3:22 am
Sometimes we need to realize that what God wants is not what the church wants. The rules of the church were intended for a different world that has long since died, and yet we try so ardently to live by them now.
God is not in the Bible, and God is not in a church. God is in our hearts and in our souls, and His highest code is Love. Love for ourselves, Love for humanity, Love for reality.
Sexual pleasure is not a mark against God, especially not with your wife. If you love her and want to experience mutual pleasure, then there should be nothing stopping you. Thank God for giving us the capacity to feel such beautiful pleasure and thank God for the love you share with your wife. Sex can be a form of worship, by showing how deeply you love your wife and how grateful you are for your physical existence. As long as you act in sincere Love and Compassion, you are honoring God, for He is a God of Love and Compassion, Himself. What purer form of worship can we humans have than to live in His Love?
February 26th, 2010 at 3:22 am
I sympathize with your problems. I am a Catholic and I used to work as a Registered Nurse in psychiatry. All of the sexual problems that you describe are all understandable to me but I am not a Catholic priest and in would be improper for me to attempt to answer your questions.
I know that there are Catholic marriage counselors and maybe they could help you and your husband. I also hope that some married Catholics can help you. I also have read that many women can only have orgasms by manual stimulation of the clitoris. This does not have to be oral. God designed married people to have both sex and orgasms.
February 26th, 2010 at 3:22 am
First, if using oral sex as a means for your wife to have an orgasm, it would seem it is the only way to really be giving yourself to her. Also if the act is more satisfying for both would it not lead to an increased desire to share the experience with each other more often and hence increase the chance of producing children(seems to be in line with what you have stated the church to want).
Second it in interesting that you do not say that god forbids you do have oral sex at any point, you say that the pleasure is gods gift between husband and wife. You merely state that is is church doctrine not to do so. Without getting into a deep discussion on religion, at the end of your life do you believe god will be happier that you were able to share a better life with your wife or that you adhered to church doctrine? I wont pretend as if I know the bible cover to cover, but does it actually state that oral sex is forbidden?
The only logical way I can see that doctrine making sense is if that was the only way that you and your wife were having pleasure. Even if you were to stimulate her orally, would you be having sex any less? It seems that you would be doing nothing different than making it better for your wife. I mean to say that as long as you have sex every time you have oral sex then it is not inhibiting being open to reproduction and bringing new life.
February 26th, 2010 at 3:22 am
Having trouble pleasing the wife – so now you want to put the blame on the Church?
MAN UP!