I am 37. I was addicted to porn off and on for the past 20 years. It has negatively affected every relationship I have been in, but I am ready to put it behind me.
I am with a wonderful woman now that pleases me in every way. I do not want porn anymore. I just want to be with her and enjoy her because she is fantastic.
My problem is that sometimes I struggle to reach orgasm with her. She is sexy and beautiful and great in bed, but I find myself having to think about different sexual fantasies or erotic stories that I have read in able to reach orgasm. I don’t want to do this, but it seems like I have a hard time focusing mentally on sex. This is especially the case when we have sex more than once in a day.
Has my addiction to porn made it harder for me to enjoy sex with a real person? How can this be reversed once you have been addicted to porn? Serious answers please.
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November 29th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Porn is an evil bastard, isn’t it? A lot of women hate it, and it creates the problem you’re having. The only thing I can think of to reverse this may not be an easy solution.
Talk to your partner about it. Don’t get into too much detail, as you don’t want her to develop insecurites about her performance. But find some way to discuss your need for something a little more… exciting. I can’t even provide an example, since I have no idea what type of person she is, but maybe something like "I have some issues that have been around for years, and I think I may have figured out a way to deal with them…" That sort of thing. In any case, try to enact some of your fantasies with her. Start with something tame and go from there. Many women love helping men realize their fantasies.
No matter what, hiding the truth will only ensure unhappiness for both you and her. If she’s open to "new things", whatever they may be, you’re in good shape. If she isn’t able to accept you in your entirety, then she obviously isn’t the right woman for you.
Most important thing to remember is that women are generally fragile. Make sure you stress that the problem has been around much longer than she has. The last thing you want is for her to feel inadequite, especially when it has nothing to do with her.