I’ve had OCD for about 2 years or so, and recently I’ve had some sexual dysfunction going on. Okay, so here’s the whole story, recently, I’ve been having some HOCD, which is homosexual OCD, which means that a person thinks they’re gay when they’re really not, and has gay or disturbing thoghts about the subject. I know I’m not gay and I have been very attracted to men, and I have had sexual relations and I came with them, and I’ve experienced every normal, situation but with that, but recently I got my braces taken off, and just before the doctor took them off, I had a "gay" thought, and now with the braces being taken off, it’s a permanent thing, so the thought that I had just before he took them off now sticks in my brain. I can’t masturbate like I always did, and now I’m really not attracted to anything, nothing gets me horny. I hate it. Do you think this OCD shit will go away? It really bothers the heck out of me, but I am slowly but surely getting better. My fear is that I will never get married to a man that I could love, but I’m not because of my condition. I’m afraid that I will never enjoy sex again. I’m so scared, can anyone help me?
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April 14th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Please try not to become too worried or anxious about this issue because that can feed into and perpetuate the problem. A substantial part of the population can have some degree of obsession or be hounded by thoughts that can be inappropriate, stupid or screwball. Your thoughts seem quite tame and normal compared to the uninvited thoughts some people have. Some of the yogis from the East compare the human mind to a wild, destructive animal that may hurt those around it unless it is tamed. Remember, you may have irrelevant thoughts but bring your mind back to what you need to focus on. Perhaps some meditation may be good for you. Besides sitting or walking meditation there’s also work meditation where you do something good or necessary and focus on what you’re doing and get your mind off of yourself. If you may have had some gay thoughts or occasional fantasies: that’s no big deal. Remember that the world of thought and fantasy may, and often should be, completely separated from the actual world. I wouldn’t necessarily pursue undesired fantasies but it’s alright if you have them once in a while. And remember the more you resist something the stronger it may become. There seems to be something in the human psyche that is attracted to, and excited by the forbidden. In so far as sexual identity, I believe that virtually everyone is probably somewhat bisexual (either on a conscious or unconscious level). That doesn’t mean it should be pursued.
Let me end by saying good luck to you and don’t be fearful. Also be wary of doctors who give out medications to try to solve all problems. These can have bad side effects and in turn one never learns how to manage their own mind. You will be able to enjoy masturbation again (sexual desire normally fluctuates) and you will be able to get married and find someone that loves you. Trust me on that.
Vic
April 14th, 2010 at 7:07 pm
Read a book, but wash the hands first. The pages will stick together if you don’t.