my 11 month old marriage is unconsummated.
i went to a gynecologist and was told i had no sexual dysfunction (dyspurenea or vaginismus).
what kind of doctor should my husband go to? what is the equivalent of gynecologist for men?
his penis just does not go in. any idea what the problem might be? is it not hard enough? is the direction/frequency/force of the thrusts not enough? what could it be? i waited til marriage to have sex so i can’t figure out what is going wrong.
I think he is hard enough. I am inexperienced so I don’t know how hard is hard enough.
I think maybe he gives many small, oscillating thrusts..
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November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
There are a few possibilities here, and pardon me for being graphic.
Are you a virgin? If so, do you really know what a hard penis consists of? If your husband’s penis is fully hard, when you grip it, it will feel completely solid. You won’t really be able to "squish" it at all, it will be like a rock.
If his penis is indeed hard like I described, that’s not the problem. Then, how big is he? The average penis is 6 inches long. If he is extremely small (only 2-3 inches) it may be in and you just may not feel it.
If that’s not the case, then how about your lubrication? Typically if foreplay is involved (as in him using mouth/fingers on you) you should be lubricated enough for intercourse. However, sometimes that just isn’t the case. I may recommend you purchase a bottle of "KY Silk." Get silk — it’s better than the jelly because it doesn’t make a sticky mess. Try rubbing that onto his penis a little before trying to slide him into you, and that should help.
It really doesn’t take much stregnth/effort to have him get inside you. He shouldn’t have to thrust very hard in order to do so. If you place the tip of his penis on your vaginal opening (making sure you’re well lubricated) and then just have him gently push his hips forward, it should slide right in.
Now, if he’s fully hard, you’re fully wet, and he’s not VERY small, you should have no problems having sex. He can go to see his PCP (Primary Care Physician) or GP (General Practicioner.) Also, he could see a Urologist, however I suggest he goes to see his regular doctor first. Another option is the two of you could go to see a counselor to educate you about sex.
Good luck!
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
urologist. is he overweight/ does he get an erection during the night while he sleeps? if so its probably NOT physical. buy a viibrator
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
He can see a urologist.It does sound like he isn’t erect enough,& since you waited(good for you),you may6 be having emotional issues about sex being ok now.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
I’m not saying it’s wrong but this is the chance you take when you wait until marriage.
many people wait and then when time comes they no longer have any passion for it or any care for it.
This is a physical thing,
ask him if he’s sexually attracted to you or you to him. if he’s not sexually attracted to you then his penis will not get hard.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Urologist or even a general practitioner if he has one he trusts. Basic tests for hormone levels etc can be done by a GP or just training/counseling. Most important is that you two communicate about this. Keep the lines open. You will get it sorted out
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
see that what u get for waiting,lol, have u seen it, is it hard enough and big enough, the only thing it can be is he is losing it at the time he trys
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
He needs to see his regular doctor first and the doctor will tell him which type of doctor he needs to see and refer him to one…
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Normally a man would see his general practitioner, who would refer him to a urologist if necessary.
As for the issues, I’m not sure how it "does not go in." There is the hole, he is supposed to put it there. Do you mean to say that he can’t get erect? Which would obviously make it harder to have sexual intercourse. A GP can help, who will refer you to the proper specialist, a urologist, if the need be.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
The question is… is he hard? If he’s not hard – then and only then does he have a sexual dysfunction. If it’s hard and it’s still not going in, it’s because you aren’t excited enough. When you’re excited, you’ll be lubricated enough for him (even if he’s not all that hard) to enter you.
If you’re not lubricated, I suggest oral sex… it always works…. and you’ll love him even more for it!
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Well, try watching him during his sleep and see if he gets an erection during the night. Most men get those, so that could be a sure way to check if he can get them.
Have you tried stimulating him with oral yet? That gets a man quite stiff
Has there been any changes in your body? Like weight gain of more than 5 pounds? Or perhaps he views marriage psychologically weird and gets turned off now because of being married?
Take him to a urologist thats the best place to start off.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
A urologist. Sounds like he isn’t reaching a full erection. He could see an internist or general paractioner first to determine if he has some other physical problems. Diabetes, heart and vascular disease, neurological disorders, hormonal imbalances, kidney or liver problems causes this dysfunction.
In the meantime, try using a lubricating gel to help it in. Try some extra time in foreplay, a porn movie, nudie books or oral sex. If you are able to get him off orally or by hand it’s a mental block. It’s possible that he is accustomed to not having sex with you and is afraid or worried about it now. In which case, he has to learn how to relax with you.
November 10th, 2009 at 7:53 am
Have you tried being on top? This way you can guide it in and control the angle and such. Then YOU are responsible for the thrusting force etc.